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8 August 2005

Hovis Invisible Crust

Now this is what real science is all about...

Hovis have just launched a loaf of bread without any crusts! The "Hovis Invisible Crust" has been developed in response to the fact that 35% of British mothers remove the crusts from their children’s sandwiches, which can waste up to 45% of the loaf!

This is the work of a genius! It’s the best thing since... well... sliced bread!

Personally, I’ve never understood why we have to have crusts anyway. They’re bits of slightly burnt, stale bread. And who wants to eat slightly burnt, stale bread? Forget about the myths surrounding crusts and how you’ll either get curly hair (or never have curly hair) if you eat (or don’t eat) them – I’ve never liked eating crusts because of the way they make me shiver. Yes, I know I’m a freak! I shiver and get goosebumps whenever I chew on a crust. I always have done. It’s like a very, very, very mild allergy. I’ve got used to living with my disability as I’ve grow up, although just thinking about it whilst typing this is making me come out in goosebumps.

So, there you have it. Modern science isn’t just about playing with chemicals to make new foods that kids will find fun (and will hopefully eat); it’s also about finding miracle cures for freakish allergies, disabilities, diseases and stuff like that...

Update: 23 August 2005
I see that there’s now a website for Hovis Invisible Crust.

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7 Comments

"Yes, I know I'm a freak! I shiver and get goosebumps whenever I chew on a crust."

Is that all crusts or just those on bread? For instance a good crust on a pie, or crumble, can be very nice indeed. Hmmm pie...

It's just crusts on bread. I'm fine with pasties, pies and crumbles.

I never liked the crusties you find in subways and bus stations selling big issue. They always taste burnt.

Can Hovis really make it a world without crusties?

Rocky Balboa ate brown bread with the crusts cut off just after his first championship defence against Clubber Lang in Philadelphia 1983. I think after this, he mostly ate seeded batch although his press releases state otherwise.

Dear Tony,

I found this posting on a web search to see if there was any new press. I created this product for British Bakeries, so am keen to see how it is being received.
Thank you for your encouraging words. This makes good reading.

Conan Fryer
RHM Technology

Glad you found it, Conan.

Just in case you follow up on this comment, you'll be pleased to know that I actually like the product very much; it's soft and easy to eat. (And it doesn't make me shiver!)

Unfortunately, most of the other people I know who've tried it think that the bread is too doughy and tastes undercooked. Others think it makes OK toast and my girlfriend won't eat it given the choice... which means we won't be buying it in our house. (Sorry about that!)

Anyway, good luck with the product. I think it's great.

P.S. I'm sure you had nothing to do with naming and marketing the product, but one of my mates was questioning the "Invisible Crust" part of the name which implies there's still a crust there but we just can't see it. Some kids might therefore insist that their mothers cut off the "invisible" crusts before eating it!

Personally I think this particular bread has the taste and smell of cellulose dope - the lacquer that, probably amongst other uses, is painted on the tissue paper coating of balsa wood aircraft to shrink it.
by Anonymous Martin Wainscott